How am I doing?
I know so little about psychology -- really just whatever I stumbled through because of its relevance to the history of social criticism. Which means, what I know is a collection of Freudian terms that I use to force empiricism on some "psychological" event. So, what I do know is that if I am made up of an id, an ego, and a superego with the id and superego careening towards full-scale riot and the ego attempting to moderate, it makes sense that I would often be somewhat confused about how "I am doing. " (Upon rereading this, it doesn't feel like I could have written it, since I no longer really understand what I was trying to say - but it seems like a loss to let it go. Maybe someone with enough faith in my intelligence will one day read it and find something worthwhile.)
How am I doing? Today, not so well. It's not that I am particularly depressed, but somewhat overwhelmed, and not suffering from a frantic need to do what hasn't yet been done, nor worried that I will not accomplish all that needs to be accomplished, but merely an awareness that I will not achieve what is expected of me. I believe that it is possible to suffer from too much perspective...and on days like today, perspective dominates and paralyzes the emotions. It is a "nothing matters" day. People find such an orientation morbid...I disagree, often finding the sentiment to be liberating. What is overwhelming to me is that on days like today this realization (this perspective) has no power. Having accepted "nothing matters" as a walkabout philosophy, I am still inclined, conditioned, coerced, etc. to continue a pattern of behavior directed at the accomplishment of something, or at least, a pattern of behavior that has evolved from a general ideological organization of society, i.e. what is expected of (to be overwrought in my writing?). And so, I will continue to do what is required at work, respond to family, friends, colleagues, and strangers appropriately, and do all of those other things that make life in the bizarre community of the modern city and teleconnected world.
I think the reason why "nothing matters" can be comforting is this: if things "matter" then why are we not just generally apalled? Because occasionally the ridiculousness of so many of our personal and commuity obsessions with status, wealth, social equilibrium, and comfort breaks through the crust of learned obliviousness. And in those moments we are confronted with our own inane silliness, our inclination for fads whether involving clothing, hair color, styles of communication, or how to raise our children...and all the while ignoring so many things of life and death importance. I fret over whether my shoes are shined well enough for my job interview this morning while my brothers and sisters in Iraq and Darfur suffer untellable fear and social gangrene.
So, today, "I'm not doing so well", I say with a bitter irony.
How am I doing? Today, not so well. It's not that I am particularly depressed, but somewhat overwhelmed, and not suffering from a frantic need to do what hasn't yet been done, nor worried that I will not accomplish all that needs to be accomplished, but merely an awareness that I will not achieve what is expected of me. I believe that it is possible to suffer from too much perspective...and on days like today, perspective dominates and paralyzes the emotions. It is a "nothing matters" day. People find such an orientation morbid...I disagree, often finding the sentiment to be liberating. What is overwhelming to me is that on days like today this realization (this perspective) has no power. Having accepted "nothing matters" as a walkabout philosophy, I am still inclined, conditioned, coerced, etc. to continue a pattern of behavior directed at the accomplishment of something, or at least, a pattern of behavior that has evolved from a general ideological organization of society, i.e. what is expected of (to be overwrought in my writing?). And so, I will continue to do what is required at work, respond to family, friends, colleagues, and strangers appropriately, and do all of those other things that make life in the bizarre community of the modern city and teleconnected world.
I think the reason why "nothing matters" can be comforting is this: if things "matter" then why are we not just generally apalled? Because occasionally the ridiculousness of so many of our personal and commuity obsessions with status, wealth, social equilibrium, and comfort breaks through the crust of learned obliviousness. And in those moments we are confronted with our own inane silliness, our inclination for fads whether involving clothing, hair color, styles of communication, or how to raise our children...and all the while ignoring so many things of life and death importance. I fret over whether my shoes are shined well enough for my job interview this morning while my brothers and sisters in Iraq and Darfur suffer untellable fear and social gangrene.
So, today, "I'm not doing so well", I say with a bitter irony.
posted by Michael at
1:03 PM
|
0 comments
